non-dairy creamer

Bike bike bike bike bike!

Tue, 06 Apr 2021 16:26:42 GMT

On March 10, my husband came to bed in the morning before I got up, so we had a lie-in together while he listened to his bedtime podcast, an old episode of My Brother My Brother And Me in which one of the questions was "This bike that's been locked up on the street outside seems to have been abandoned and it's starting to get rusty, is it okay for me to go cut the lock and take the bike?"

And I said, "man, I wish I had a bike, that seems like a good low-impact way for me to do little things like run to the pokestop every day"

And husband said, "my athletics reimbursement would cover that, if you really want to go get a bike."

and READER, I MARRIED HIM. almost ten years ago now. and I am extraordinarily glad that I did, for many reasons but also because he encouraged me to go buy myself a bike AND I DID AND IT'S AWESOME.

Pokemon Go's speed limit is just a little over 6mph, and my average speed on the bike is somewhere between 8.5 and 9.5mph (depending on the ride), so the bike doesn't work well as a way to collect distance to hatch eggs with unless I creep along real slow, like "barely above falling-over" speed. Even then, only about 2/3 of the distance logged by my ride tracker app actually gets logged with my eggs--but slowbiking 3km to collect 2km of hatching distance is still both faster and WAY less painful than trying to walk 2km.

Here's the thing. Walking does damage to the tendons in your ankles. You, probably a person without an inherited disorder of the tendons, can probably heal your typical day's tendon damage in a day, and you might go home with sore feet but you probably feel better in the morning. (If you have a job that's hard on your tendons, like standing at a cash register all day (DEAR US STORES GIVE YOUR CASHIERS CHAIRS THERE IS NO REASON FOR THEM TO WRECK THEIR ANKLES) or running around a nursing wing, you might not heal up that quickly; please take good care of your feet they are so important.) Me and my inherited disorder of the tendons, however... we don't heal so good. So what might be considered a normal-to-small amount of walking in a day can hurt me enough to make me unwilling to move for the next week. I'm convinced that the walking injuries I did on myself in ~2016 are still hurting me, and that every step I take now adds to that damage that is not healing faster than I can continue to hurt it. And like, keep in mind that mine is an INCREDIBLY sedentary lifestyle. my typical day involves walking as far as the kitchen and bathroom, as various bodily needs demand. yet my ankles CONTINUE TO HURT WHEN I WALK. Walking has always been painful to me, from childhood, when I was told I was just weak.

Anyway, the upshot of that is that I really should not walk, like ever if possible, and yet I should still move my body to be healthy and also to function in the world as a person, which some believe is good for me for some reason. The solution is BIKE.

Bike is so much harder than I remember it being! I haven't had a bike since before I was ten (after I was ten I had my new-to-me bike's tire blow out the instant I started riding it, so my dad patched it up for me and I started riding it and it instantly blew out again. I was not fat yet, then. but I stopped trying to bike), and as a kid I do not remember ever being out of breath or feeling like my thighs were going to fall off. Both things now happen to me routinely! But I love it. My ankles don't hurt (except the normal amount they always hurt), and I can go REAL FAST (there's a hill nearby that I have yet to be able to bike up--I go as far as I can and then when I can't go fast enough to not fall over, I get off and walk) but when I bike DOWN it I can go SO FAST, my top speed down that hill is 23.5mph (straight into a school zone, lol, where I could get pulled over for going too fast ON MY BIKE).

It doesn't seem to be getting any easier, and I don't know if I'm going faster than I was when I started. But I'm moving, and going to pokestops, and feeling good. When I get home from a ride I almost always, by rote, end my ride on my ride tracker app, and then immediately go "oh... why did I do that? I wish I was still riding."

And, under the cut, discussion of how the bike has affected my weight.

( "fat and going fast" )

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Welcome to Night Vale had a great two and a half year run

Fri, 02 Apr 2021 21:30:49 GMT

They did such a good job building the world in the first year, and then the slow creep of the Strex takeover in year two, the climax of the Parade Day-Company Picnic-Renovations-Old Oak Doors arc. God, that was so fucking good.

It's a good thing they stopped there. It's a good thing that, after that, they got Carlos home from the otherworld desert quickly, instead of dragging that out into unnecessary and badly-characterized relationship drama for a whole year. I'm really glad they didn't have a character torment Cecil for a year, only to turn around and try to paint that character as an innocent and even a martyr. I'm really glad there wasn't any incredibly awkward wedding, with an incredibly awkward and out of place video message from the aforementioned tormentor-martyr character, and I'm especially glad that that wedding didn't just come out of nowhere without even an "ohmigosh Carlos asked me to marry him!" squeal of delight from Cecil.

I'm really, really, really glad they didn't railroad that relationship into an incredibly normative path--after all, the writers are well aware of their queer audience, and we queers aren't all here for that nuclear family model! I'm really, really glad that they didn't have Cecil and Carlos adopt a child, and I'm really, really glad that they didn't put the news of that adoption into a live show (behind a paywall!) that took place two years after the adoption actually occurred, and I'm especially really glad that they did not then drop a random mention of that adopted child into a random episode of the non-paywalled podcast with absolutely zero explanation of when or how or why that child appeared.

I'm just--you know, stories have to end? Like, Gravity Falls did a really amazing thing, where it had a story to tell and it told that story and then it ended. I'm just really glad that Welcome to Night Vale has managed to do the same thing, instead of dragging itself out into long, extended, unsatisfying narratives, with stakes that feel meaningless and/or repetitive, with not just the Big Gay Ship becoming more and more normative but with the town itself becoming more and more normative.

I'm really glad that they knew when to stop.

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we have the power

Fri, 19 Feb 2021 20:41:51 GMT

We think we have power back on at home. No way to check for sure but to pack up and head out there. It's been a week, and I am not looking forward to going through the fridge and freezer, tossing out anything we suspect has gone off, and having to make a massive grocery trip just when everyone else is also making a massive grocery trip to replace what has gone off in their fridges this last week.

But I am very much looking forward to being back at home, and so are the kitties and the husband. Really hoping leaving the fire on was enough to keep the pipes from bursting. It probably was, and it hasn't even been below freezing for the last couple of days, I think.

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fire vs ice: which one makes you flee your home?

Fri, 19 Feb 2021 03:14:28 GMT

For us, it's ice.

In fairness, we were ready to evacuate during the wildfires last summer. Packed up our valuables, our sentimentals, and our personal documents. I think I posted about it here a couple times? (Maybe only on PF.) But the fires were, for us, just a looming anxiety; we were never in danger. The ice knocked out power in the entire city, and in the entire PGE service area from south of Salem to north of Portland. We spent one day being cold and bored (no power means no router means no internet), and then packed up for an expected three-day visit to my folks' place, where there is power. That was a week ago. The storm is over now, I understand—the trees in the area are wrecked—but PGE doesn't expect us to have power sooner than late tomorrow, and it still may even be longer than that.

Exciting moments from the storm:

1. On the first morning of the ice storm, we saw our first robin of the year. Hello Spring! The birds have embraced irony.

2. My husband likes the cold. Our roommate set up a tent in the backyard so he could smoke outside and stay out of the rain. In the early morning of the second day of the ice storm, my husband was out in the tent enjoying being cold for about four hours. Then he came in for about ten minutes to grab a snack. That's when the apple tree fell down on top of the tent.

3. Choosing which plants to leave behind and which to bring was very hard. I limited myself to one Coke flat (we buy Coke in glass bottles in 24-bottle flats) of smaller, mostly propagated sentimental plants; plus two larger planters: the ogre's-ear jade Mom bought me at an estate sale that must be at least twenty years old, and the jade collection planter. The rest are just going to have to do their best. At least it's not as cold in the house as we thought it would be.

4. As we were leaving, the three of us were all thinking "we gotta remember to turn the fire off before we go". (We have a gas fireplace, so you switch and it's on, you switch and it's off, it'll burn forever and you never have to add fuel.) None of us did. Turns out, that's probably okay, because also none of us even thought to leave the taps dripping to keep the pipes from freezing and bursting. Hopefully the fire is enough to keep those warm.

5. I have driven in snow before, but not much (not much driving, and not much snow). When we left our home, we knew it had snowed at my folks' place, but our roads were clear despite an inch of ice coating everything else, so we figured the snow couldn't be that bad. Well, it was the worst snow I've ever driven through. Even the freeways were bad, and there was one spooky moment getting off the freeway where the car decided to do a little dance, shakin' its ass almost into the oncoming traffic lane. The only oncoming traffic was well away from us, and moving slowly, and we were moving slowly, and it was only a few seconds before I got control back and got us back into our lane, but. Spooky.

In summation: it has been an interesting time, the last week, but we're all safe and well, and we should be home within the next few days. I'm very excited about going home. So are the kitties; they do NOT like being at Gramma's house with all Gramma's mean bully cats. I'm glad roommate was able to find alternate shelter for his cat, cause then we'd have essentially three factions of cats in one house that are all enemies with each other.

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a shorter, calmer version of the post I just didn't post

Sat, 06 Feb 2021 03:18:05 GMT

DO NOT use the "reblogging" bookmarklet to repost any of my posts. it's not reblogging, it's reposting with credit. if it happens I'm locking everything to access-only, and I will trim my access list accordingly.

reposting with credit is fine as long as the OP is fine with it. I do not object to the practice, when done in good faith and with consent, nor do I object to the writing of a script that makes it easier. I don't like that they're calling it "reblogging". after all, most people would probably say reblogging is absolutely fine and doesn't require permission, as long as there's no "do not reblog" tag; and I don't think very many people would say that about reposting, even with credit. so this is my journal-wide "do not reblog" tag.

( whisperspace )

( whisperspace ii )

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I had a tag here for talking about weight??

Fri, 05 Feb 2021 02:23:54 GMT

Yes, it's true: I'm only posting here because Pillowfort is down. Also because I'm seeing some posts here, and lately I've missed having A Fandom, or at least, like, a community. So... Hi. Instagram sucks, huh?

In trying to decide what to do about the fact that my own journal sometimes displays to me my own tags, which sometimes contain what has become Upsetting Content to me (being dumped sucks), I have rediscovered the tag "personal: weight weight don't tell me", which I am still delighted by like a year and a half later. And! I can talk about it! I have things to talk about on that topic! Under a cut because weight and body image can be Not Good topics.

( my physical form is angels: we do not acknowledge or speak about it. it is not real, and only tells lies. )

Tomorrow, or soon, maybe: creativity? What Is It? We just don't know.

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(semi) randomized short story: I need your help

Thu, 10 Dec 2020 21:51:29 GMT

Edit: Question-asking is over! Head to Pillowfort (linked at the end of the post) to see the master list of questions and answers. I'll post the story in both places once it's ready.

Okay, so. Here's the idea. You, ~~Pillowfort~~ Dreamwidth, will ask me questions about the story I'm going to write. Then I will randomly generate answers to those questions. And then that's the story I have to write.

You can ask me questions about anything. Anything you don't ask me about, I get to decide for myself. Ask about the setting, the worldbuilding, the characters—but ask questions with a limited number of answers. What I mean by this is, don't ask "What genre is it?" or "Who's the main character?" It's hard to answer that question with a random number generator. Instead ask, "Is this a mystery?", or, "Does the main character have a mustache?" Those are questions I can easily answer with a yes/no coin flip. They don't all have to be yes or no questions, as long as the number of answers is simple and limited: "What would this story be rated on AO3?" is a decent question, as I can count the number of AO3 ratings available (Not Rated, General Audiences, Teen & Up, Mature, and Explicit), assign them each a number from 1-5, and have random.org pick one.

Yes, I'm open to questions from strangers and non-mutuals. Yes, you can ask more than one question. I don't know how long I'll keep question-asking open for—probably until I feel like I have enough questions to build a story off of. Conflicting questions and answers will be merged if possible, or else I'll just pick the one I like better and/or have more ideas for.

My goal is to have this story written and posted, mm, before the end of the year, I think—so ask me things!

(and if you think this sounds like fun, feel free to make a new post on your own blog! credit/linkback would be nice, but not necessary; if you link me I might ask you questions!)

(crossposting to Pillowfort - Twitter) (I'll be keeping a master list of questions I've been asked across all platforms in the comments of the PF post so browse through there if you want to see what others have already asked)

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Pillowfort

Fri, 12 Jun 2020 23:20:18 GMT

I'm really liking it over there? I said I'd try to crosspost over here too for a while but most of what I'm doing is reblogging, and I'm not gonna repost other people's shit on other platforms. I'm just a lurker, for the most part, I guess; and posting short posts or shitposts on DW still feels much much harder than just tossing a thought out onto PF (which I've done twice today, re: becoming brave enough to reblog porn again, and being an ace with a libido).

But I have posted a couple of things over there that I haven't copied here because... I just don't think about Dreamwidth much. I'm sorry! I wanted to love it here. A LiveJournal base just isn't the kind of site I thrive on, and I clearly can't split my attention.

I'm hardly giving up my DW, just... Hey, y'all. You can find me over there, and if you don't have a PF yet and you want one, I have several invite codes I'd be glad to offer you.

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I said I'd crosspost from Pillowfort and it turns out I'm just a lurker. But here, have a crosspost

Sun, 03 May 2020 07:57:54 GMT

Suddenly I want a linguist and a game dev to collaborate on a space western game where nobody talks like they're in a western

Like: why would they? They're in space, presumably in the future, and we already now don't talk like we're in a Western. What I want is to create new patterns of language use that mirror the reasons behind the things we think of as being classically Western speech--does that make any sense? Like what about the circumstances of living in the old west gave rise to the distinctive style of speech we see in that genre of media, and what are the parallel circumstances that humans would face as we explore the galaxy, and in what ways would those circumstances affect our speech patterns?

The thing is that I don't know any of these answers and I barely feel like I'm able to articulate the question, so I'm clearly not the person to try to implement this idea.

TAGS here's a question, does pillowfort cap the number of searchable tags like tumblr did, and what is that cap if so, like how many junk tags do I have to add to a post, before I can add tags to organize within my blog, without being searchable sitewide, fic inspiration

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PF "crosspost": Meet the Lost Boys

Mon, 16 Dec 2019 06:04:25 GMT

Just linking this time, since it's an image post: Meet the Lost Boys, in which I discuss my new rescue succulents and a potential name for my string of pearls plant.

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Pillowfort roundup

Tue, 10 Dec 2019 00:48:59 GMT

Remember how like a year ago I talked about how Dreamwidth's new post form makes it feel like you have to have Something To Say, whereas on tumblr I would feel totally easy about dashing off whatever little text post came to mind?

Yeah. Pillowfort is much easier to post to than DW. But hopefully, in the future, PF can break the "this isn't important enough to post" barrier, and then I'll crosspost things to DW, and can thereby be engaged on both platforms! That's my goal, anyway.

For now, here's my two original PF text posts, and a link to my one original image post, and if you wanna see what I've reblogged (I AM SO HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO REBLOG AGAIN) you'll just have to go there.

( Take Me to Bed )

( I miss fandom )

Turing and Sam are friends

In summation: I love whisperspace tags, I love reblogging, I'm really liking PF so far, I'm hoping it can both be a place to engage and also be a thing to help me stay engaged on DW too

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Pillowfort

Fri, 06 Dec 2019 04:42:12 GMT

I have one now (bet you five dollars you can't guess my username) and, despite constantly thinking "I should post on dreamwidth more", I've posted on dreamwidth zero times since acquiring my PF and on PF twice (not counting reblogs) (bless reblogs). I'd like to be crossposting but I'd have to do that manually and that's a pain on my phone; but I'll port things over on Sunday when I'm back on my laptop. (I'll try to do it gradually, so as not to flood anyone's reading page.) My ultimate goal is to exist in both spaces, but that's a lot of social media to be active on. (Let's be real: I was never going to be active on Twitter. That was never an option.)

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a NNWM excerpt

Thu, 14 Nov 2019 06:22:40 GMT

The voices in the other room went quiet. That wasn't unusual; Freckles often went to bed early, getting sleepy as soon as the sun was down. One advantage of having more than one room would be letting them go to sleep as early as they liked without being disturbed—and letting Sam stay up as late as he liked without being disturbing. He supposed that Julian would be in shortly, looking for companionship in Freckles' absence or just looking to let them rest, and stopped thinking about it.

A while later, as he was getting up to add a new log to the fire, he realized that Julian hadn't come in. Had he gone to bed, too? Sam shrugged; that was unusual, but not unheard of. Julian's sleep was erratic and unpredictable. But under the crackling of the fire came a low sound—a moan. A quiet murmur, in Freckles' voice, broken up into a soft gasp.

Ahh. Of course. It was inevitable, wasn't it? They were both stuck here. Freckles' feelings were young and naive, ready to settle on anyone who stayed in proximity long enough; and Julian was naturally affectionate, naturally adoring. They were both sweet, and they'd be sweet to each other; and Sam had rejected them both. Only natural that they'd turn to each other. He was happy for them.

Sam pictured Julian with his hand between their thighs. No, his face; if his mouth wasn't occupied, he'd be whispering to them, asking what they liked, what they wanted. There was no trace of his voice, just theirs. Sam tried not to listen. Tried not to see it in his mind: the long narrow legs wrapped over Julian's shoulders, the long narrow fingers knotted into his ginger curls. It was impossible not to imagine. Their sounds grew muffled, and he could see the hand at their mouth, biting their own knuckle to keep quiet. To keep him from hearing. God, their thin little mouth, their crooked teeth indenting their own skin. They grew louder. The bed creaked. He imagined their arched back, their peaked nipples; they slept naked most nights, so he knew exactly what to picture. Their sounds peaked, and then died down into panting. Was it their first orgasm ever? He'd burn in hell for finding that idea so hot. Then there was Julian's voice, too low to make out any words, and they answered on a breathy laugh. A pair of questions, passed back and forth; a moan from Julian. Sam sat there, unable to stop listening, unable to leave. Another question from Freckles, and Sam could picture their hand, their long talented fingers wrapped around Julian's cock. Their mouth was not occupied. Neither was his. What were they saying? Was Freckles asking for reassurance, for guidance? Was Julian telling them how tight to squeeze, how fast to stroke? Would he cover their hand with his own, show them exactly how he liked it? Was he lying beside them, or knelt up over them; when he came, would it fall on their chest, on their face? Would they be surprised by it? Julian wasn't as good at stifling his noises as Freckles had been; Sam could hear him clearly, could hear Freckles trying to shush him, and he struggled to stay quiet and shortly lost the thread again. It's no good, Freckles, Sam thought; I can hear everything. Julian's sounds went totally silent all at once, and Sam found himself straining to hear; and then it was harsh breathing, and Freckles' voice, soft.

Julian's panting eased, and their conversation returned to a normal volume. A few minutes later came the rustle of someone getting out of a bed, getting back into another bed. So they weren't planning on telling Sam; they didn't want him to catch them in the same bed.

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logging some bits into #fic inspiration

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 21:22:40 GMT

had ( a weird dream... )

also, there's been ( a mimic bird... )

oh also, a prompt, posted by brewsternorth in dailyprompt: "the price of identity", which I thought was excellent and wanted to save.

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Of course...

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 06:14:01 GMT

the middle of NNWM is when I get a breakthrough on the Mundane revisions. oulfis talked it over with me tonight and I have a solid Next Step in mind, and I have written that Next Step down in a place where I will see it when it is time to take that step—

—and now I am putting it away again because it is NOVEMBER and revisions are definitionally a DECEMBER PROBLEM and right now my only problem is SPACE OT3 IN: SPACE AU

( whisperspace )

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Wed, 06 Nov 2019 05:09:24 GMT

Step One: write a character who can knit
Step Two: put that character into a wilderness survival AU
Step Three: give that character a farm full of cotton
Step Four: do just a little research into how this character might be able to turn cotton plants into knittable yarn
Step Five: ???
Step Six: buy a beautifully-carved Turkish drop spindle
Step Seven (the most important step): you are not yourself a spinner, you are barely a knitter, this tool has no use in your home

( whisperspace )

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NNWM 2019

Wed, 30 Oct 2019 07:54:21 GMT

...sure is comin up.

I have never wanted to participate less in nnwm, and I have never needed to participate more. people who knew me in the #antidiogenes days might remember me talking about nnwm as a tool, a tool that may or may not work for any given writer. I needed it as a babby teenage writer because I didn't do any writing any other time of year; eventually I developed a more consistent writing habit and nnwm became less important to me as a tool. (although I kept doing it, because my partner ordinarybirds was doing it, and it was impossible not to share things with her--we've never co-nano'd but it's been an important Thing We Do Together.)

anyway but this year I've done very little writing at all--okay, about 77k, which sounds like a lot but by this time I should have written twice that much, and that's after I cut my goal for the year in half. (yes, my original goal was absurd; my reduced goal was the same goal I've had for the last three or four years.) it's also just apparent in my day to day that I've forgotten how to make time for writing, and/or forgotten how to care. not entirely forgotten how to care, really; but all the projects I really care about (@ CakeCity can we do something with the modern AU at some point please) are stalled and all the projects I used to really care about are... also stalled. All my projects are stalled.

All of which is to say, I don't know what I'm writing this November but I know I gotta. So ( here's some ideas... )

( whisperspace )

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How often...

Wed, 14 Aug 2019 23:27:18 GMT

...how many times, and in how many places can I link my new Japanese Twitter before it becomes annoying?

nihongoorenshuu nihongoorenshuu nihongoorenshuu

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Language blogging

Tue, 13 Aug 2019 03:56:33 GMT

I'm thinking about trying to learn a language by doing some of my blogging or social media entirely in the other language. There's an obvious problem with this idea, which is that I find it hard enough to post things even in English. Doing it on Twitter might help; trying to write (or translate) a couple of sentences in another language will be a smaller and thereby I hope a more digestible task. If I do it on Twitter I think I'll try to do it at least several times a week; if I do it here it'd be more like once a week. I'm going to have to start, I think, by writing in English, then translating (and relying a lot, I think, on Google Translate), but ideally I'd eventually begin to start in the target language. Hopefully speakers of the target language would engage in kind correction.

So I have a few questions:
- Should I do it on Dreamwidth, or on Twitter? As mentioned above, Twitter might be easier and have a higher chance of follow-through, whereas Dreamwidth is more likely to really deepen my understanding.
- Should I do it using my own existing profile, or start a new profile for this project? A new profile would let EVERYTHING about the new profile be based on the project itself, so like, everyone who encountered it would immediately know exactly what it was for. Making a new profile would also allow for the people who currently follow me to opt out, without opting out of me in general.
- Should I do it in Japanese (a language of my ancestors) or Spanish (a v common and useful language in the area where I live)?
- Are you at all interested in following me in this project? Would you be more interested if I opened it up to some other language? (I absolutely veto French but I'd be open to any other suggestions. Japanese and Spanish are languages that I have some minor grounding in and that matter to me, so I lean strongly towards them, but in truth I want to know every language. Except French.)
- Should I, in the course of this project, translate my second-language social media posts back into English? That would allow whatever I post to be interacted with by my English-speaking mutuals (a term which I now use with no exactitude; it had A Meaning on tumblr and here I just mean "the people who might interact with me"). On the other hand I feel like most Spanish and Japanese speakers also speak English, and that speaking English in association with this project would encourage them to speak English back to me, because people are kind and would want to make communication easier for me, which is the opposite of the point of this project. ON THE FIRST HAND AGAIN, if I provide an English-language translation of what I wanted to say, that might allow for more insightful criticism of what I actually said.

I FORGOT SOMETHING: I would like to solicit recs for Spanish and/or Japanese language children's media! It doesn't have to be good or interesting, and it doesn't have to be translated in any way. Ideally, for video and audio media, it'd be streaming or downloadable so I can pause and re-listen. Media for any age child is welcome but I'm particularly hoping for a very young target audience; I'm still bitter about having studied Japanese for five years and then completed Duolingo's entire Japanese language course and still being entirely helpless against a Hello Kitty coloring book that could not have been intended for a child older than five.

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November 2016

Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:19:56 GMT

aka "how many vlogbrothers videos do I have to skip past before I can stop crying on the floor"

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Morning pages

Wed, 07 Aug 2019 23:51:27 GMT

I think I want to start doing morning pages again. I'm feeling in a pretty good place, wrt being overwhelmed and deeply behind on housework, at least, and I want to get back into writing except that I don't care anymore about anything I was writing before I stopped writing. (Did I stop writing because I didn't care, or do I not care because I've stopped writing? Who fuckin knows m8 I just work here.) I feel like morning pages would be a good lower-stakes way to get used to making any kind of words again, except I think I'll do it in the evening. I go to bed and I say goodnight to my partner tokyotheglaive, and I often end up braindumping at them, and since I'm often stressed I'm often braindumping stressful things, and since they go to bed 3-6 hours earlier than I do they cannot tell me in the moment when I'm putting too much on them. This is clearly not fair of me, and so I feel like having an alternate place to put that impulse to process my day and my feelings will be healthier for both of us and for the relationship.

Have I mentioned the relationship here before? I think I have. Who even knows. Anyway I've had a new partner since December 9, who perhaps by this point should not be considered a "new" partner, but in comparison to eight years of marriage as of today and also accounting for the fact that I haven't yet met them, I think they still count as new.

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what I'm whatevering whenever

Mon, 05 Aug 2019 22:20:57 GMT

Writing - still mostly nothing. I thought March was bad at just 6k; June was under 5k, July was ~1500, and May was 871. So far August (77 and counting) isn't shaping up to be much better. which is, like... fine. idk. I'm aware that it's a choice I'm making, and it's not the choice I want to be making but right now I'm not sure how to make any other choice. and neither of the people I usually fiction with seem to want to fiction with me, at least not in the particular fictions that I'm actually interested in fictioning.

Reading - slowly plodding through Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrel, as recommended to me by tokyotheglaive; it's an incredibly long audiobook that I've had to borrow from Libby twice, and since it's due in like six days and I'm ~80% of the way through it, it looks like I'll need to borrow it at least once more. I still haven't finished The Black Tides of Heaven, which is a novella and should be much quicker, but I borrowed it in text form and that's been hard lately? Also waiting for me on Libby are the Pride & Prejudice audiobook, Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (audio), and Time Enough For Love by Robert Heinlein (because I liked that one as a kid, and coming back to The Cat Who Walks Through Walls as an adult was v startling, and I want to see what this one is like) (text). I also have between 14 and 16 fanfic tabs open (two are on my phone and might be duplicates of ones open on the laptop, I'm not sure), none of which I am likely ever to read, but they're there. Plus two webcomics--Cucumber Quest, which is adorable and yet I'm stalled at 78 pages in, and PROJECT NOUGHT, which I have not yet begun.

Watching - The Vlogbrothers... I started at the beginning and got through everything I'd ever seen before surprisingly quickly? And it's interesting to me to see, like... how easily I was convinced that they're, like, bad people? But like, as I'm watching them... they're really, like, actively engaged in being good people. Like, yeah, making mistakes, as white cis straight dudes are wont to do, but taking correction and getting better and actively cultivating a community of empathy and charity and generosity and civic engagement, and like, listen, these dudes are pretty good dudes, okay? And coming out of a series of fandoms full of vicious polarizing petty wank destroying people's lives, I'm all about this idea of nuance and complexity and intellectual engagement and curiosity. (I'm still in late 2015, though, and I am absolutely terrified of reliving 2016; that is not something I want to be engaged with again.)

Making - I'm partway through a drawing of my dryad character. Most of the way through, tbh, the lineart is done and I'm tediously drawing in each individual leaf-hair. That's satisfying in short bursts but v tedious. Uhh I have six tabs open to glove patterns that oulfis needs to come talk to me about but I never remember to remind him.

Eating - We've cancelled our meal kit subscription--the first time a box came late I threw away the room-temp meat and got a refund, and the second time the meat was in fact still refrigerated but the pattern was unacceptable. I have become a better cook, though, and have remembered that good food is, like, good? Nice? Tastes good? Feels good?? So I've cancelled the service and I'm gonna try to do a meal plan every week and actually go, like, shopping. but like, later, when I've eaten through the kits I already have and also don't have a person in my house. In the meantime I've made teriyaki chicken and butternut squash soup and split pea soup all from scratch, no kits required, because in addition to learning how to cook new things I've remembered that I also already knew how to cook some things.

Playing - mostly D&D! Well, mostly not much of anything, the last couple weeks, since people have been in my house; there has not been time to veg out with a game. q-is-a-letter has gone home now, and ordinarybirds goes home on the 7th. But the campaign has been a lot of fun and I recently indulged in a mixed set of dice color-themed to evoke the aforementioned dryad character. It is a delight to play; I'm having a ton of fun with poor Julian and Sam who're both like "but you HAVE to have a NAME what will i CALL you", and the dryad's just like "whatever you want. I don't care." Uhh other than that, Pumpkin Online came out a few weeks ago, and I haven't been keeping up with it; I got v motion sick the first time I played and then haven't been able to get back to it, but I'm excited to see the patches and updates it's gotten. And also QUENCH omg Quench is coming out on Steam and the Switch on the 7TH which is like SOON and I'm SO EXCITED it looks so beautiful quenchgame and I have a copy coming via kickstarter but I'm absolutely also going to purchase it and play (or at least HAVE) it on both platforms IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL

Misc Doing - we did a TON of amazing stuff with Quinn: we went to Powell's and hung out with uhhh I think they're awkwardhybrid? and then we couldn't go to Purrington's but we did eat excellent ramen at Noraneko; and we went swimming in Clackamas which is my favorite place to swim; we drove to Southern Oregon to see the Oregon Vortex and also the Medford train park and also the Wildlife Safari on the trip back up, and everything was covered in smoke and we actually saw some of the fire along I-5 on the way down; we filmed several absurd and amazing and ridiculous things that Quinn is currently editing together into an absurd and amazing and ridiculous video series about a sloth who has a day out, meets a cute girl, and goes on a date; we spent some time going to various game stores and looking at dice; we have cooked together and coped together and it was/has been an excellent visit. Since Quinn left Cupcake and I have been taking things a little slower; we didn't even make it to the zoo this trip. Tomorrow is D&D night and the day after is Early Morning Airport Day and I'm just not thinking about that!! it's chill time!!!!

i t ' s c h i l l t i m e ! ! !

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in the spirit of posting here whatever I'd have posted on tumblr

Mon, 22 Jul 2019 06:06:53 GMT

consider: a kinky Jack/Bitty fic perhaps told from an external pov? or at least told in such a way that you assume Jack is the dom. big, broad, stoic, traditionally masculine dude, and his rather femme (or camp, maybe) itty bitty Bittle with the big dark obvious bite mark on his oh so delicate-looking neck, maybe his crop top riding up and his jeans riding down to show off the fingerprint bruises on his hips

and then you get to see them in private and Jack is the one voluntarily giving up control; it's just that Bitty really likes being marked up and will tell him things like "hold me tighter" and "yeah, bite me", and Jack is delighted to obey

recs in this vein, even if in another fandom (any fandom or ship is fine) are entirely welcome

( whisperspace )

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Paaaain

Fri, 31 May 2019 07:16:52 GMT

It always startles me when people take my pain seriously. Like. It's not that bad, most of the time? And it's not really chronic pain, like, it's not the same pain all the time. It's several different recurring pains that seem to take turns flaring up: if my ankle feels shredded, my hands are probably okay.

Right now it's my shoulder/back, the trapezius on the left side kind of under the shoulder blade. I call it "knitter's shoulder" cause that's what first aggravated it. And--I know that when I say "I don't cry very often", that's pretty self-fulfilling, like, my perception of myself as someone who doesn't cry leads to this semi-conscious suppression of tears whenever I'm almost crying, to maintain a consistent internal narrative as someone who doesn't cry. This is less true after my October meltdown, I cry more and suppress less, but I still don't cry all that much.

So it's still a Statement, it's still Significant to say that I went to bed early tonight and cried, just a little, because it should just stop being hurting now.

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What I'm Whatevering... Wednesday?

Fri, 17 May 2019 01:26:50 GMT

Let's try this, I guess? I'm not good at time-based anythings—who even knows what day of the week it is??—but we'll see what happens. (Edit as of posting time: apparently "what happens" is I write this post on Tuesday so that it's ready, and post it on Thursday.)

What I'm Writing Wednesday is real easy this week: nothing! Haven't written a word, nor wanted to, in over two weeks. We'll just take the way that makes me feel, fold it up real small, weld it into a smokeleaf tin, and throw it into the sea~ I do keep, like, wanting to want to write things, but when I sit down there's nothing there.

What I'm Reading Wednesday is a similarly short list: nothing. Or, well, The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress audio book continues to fill space as the background noise of my life, but that doesn't really count as reading. Not because it's an audio book, mind, but because I have heard it so many times I mostly don't hear it anymore, it's just a conveniently ignorable noise for when I'm sick of all my music. I started, a while ago, a novella called The Black Tides of Heaven, and I very much want to finish it and its sequel(s—I can't remember if there's one or two); and I've had Jonathan Norrell (which I'm not going to check on the spelling of) recommended to me and I very much want to read it, but we'll see if it's ever possible for me to read anything ever again.

( What I'm Doing Wednesday )

And now a new segment, ( What I'm Playing Wednesday )

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