[sticky entry] Sticky: About the Pronouns

Dec. 3rd, 2018 05:37 pm
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
My pronouns are ve/him/ver/vers/verself OR ve/them/ver/vers/verself. That's super complicated! If you already get it, great! Statistically speaking, you probably don't, so let's talk about it.
About the Pronouns )
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
I stayed up till 1am writing 2700 words today

counting the 4500 I wrote the other day of backstory summary (which I debated counting because it's not fiction per se; but then I decided fuck it it counts) and other sundry, this week I'm over my 1k/day average for the first time this year. I'm still terribly behind overall, but there's also still lots of time to catch up.

last week I tried reinstating a whole-ass entire Routine in my whole life, which would have included 45m/day spent on the Actual Novel, which I have not done. this week I'm going to make a plan to try and reinstate bits and pieces of a routine, build them in gradually until they come naturally again. but I do want to start with that 45/day, because if I don't make myself write the novel I just won't, and when I work on it it actually comes together really well, I make a lot of progress! but every time I drop it I have to overcome inertia to start again, and when I do come back to it I have to reorient myself every time. so, that, I think, starting tomorrow: breakfast, caffeine, and some novel works, first thing.

oh are you SERIOUS my autism tag is ONE CHARACTER TOO LONG, ugh
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
have had two very bad nights of sleep, two very rough new-relationship-troubles days (we're okay, I don't wanna talk about it and I don't think they'd appreciate me puttin it out publicly, just some misunderstandings at a bad time; it'll all be better tomorrow) and a day of very poor food-related decisions, and now I'm headachey and tired and overstimulated

so that's the perfect time to make a post, right? :D

there's not much to post about tbh. not gonna recap the [personal profile] ordinarybirds visit, it's nothing that's interesting to anyone else. I'll do a writing post on Sunday (tl;dr, am Very behind, but what do you expect after three weeks of houseguest) so don't need to address that now. I want to reestablish a routine of some kind but I don't know how, I don't even really remember what my previous routine was or if it worked for me. would also like to figure out a) why the fuck my new computer won't listen to my mouse and b) why the fuck my computers won't talk to each other

i just wanna play games

well okay rn i just wanna sleep for about a year but that's not an option...

on the upside there have been more birds lately! robins and ducks and geese! which is slightly ridiculous because it's also been below freezing more days than not lately!!! I honestly don't even care about the birds themselves but their presence means Winter Is Almost Over and I am so ready. like, every year as summer comes I have to readjust to not wearing sleeves, but that's better than adjusting to the depression

not that one ever really adjusts to the depression, eh

and tonight I've paid $15 to watch my switch repeatedly refuse to download a game--once it failed at 99% downloaded and at this point victory is defined as "not throwing the expensive device across the room"
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
I feel like I can tell from my reading page who has a light-colored theme on their journal because when they copy-paste something, the formatting copies over as "dark text" and not as "the default text for the page", which overrides my theme's code (where the default is light text on a dark background) and I'm reading dark-grey-on-dark-grey

unfortunately I Cannot live on a website without a dark theme so I won't be changing mine

fortunately if I visit the op's page I can read the post as they intended
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
I really shouldn't write this post until I count up today's words... hold on.....

okay! so this year I wrote 243,742 words of fiction. roughly 111k of that was related to the Mundane novel in some way (71k of which was the Actual Novel, and not prequel shorts or sequel shorts or AUs or RP or etc). about 65k of it was related to [tumblr.com profile] q-is-a-letter's D&D campaign. and about 63k was RP tags, mostly with [personal profile] ordinarybirds and some with [personal profile] scarlet_malfoy.

that doesn't add up, partly because there was overlap (a lot of the RP tags got counted as Mundane bc they took place in that universe (or its AUs and crossovers)), and because there are other statistically insignificant projects (like, apparently, this year I wrote about three hundred words of non-RP WTNV fic).

this is the first year I've tracked what projects I've been working on so I can't compare it to previous years' data, but my impressions are that I'm writing... a lot less fanfiction. like: I wrote ~300 of WTNV, I wrote over twice that much of Overwatch fic (a fandom I'm not even in!!), and about twice THAT much of [community profile] backwardscompatibility fic. 300 + 800 + 1600 = actually let's pull exact numbers, why not, I have em. 383 + 872 + 1688 = 2943. or, like, one-and-a-bit percent of my total output this year was fanfiction. (it would be more if I counted fan RPs, and even more if I counted Samlos things; but while Samlos isn't my original fic, it's not really fanfic either; Samlos doesn't have a canon that other people can experience, it's just me and Cupcake. and RPs are both fannish and fictional but aren't really fanfiction--the goals are not the same, the process is not the same, the end result is not something you wanna put on AO3...)

anyway. I've said before that my goal for 2019 is gonna be 365k. based on previous years' data a higher goal means a higher output with, subjectively, about the same amount of effort. so hopefully the arbitrarily large wordcount goal will push me toward harder to quantify but more important goals like "finish the next draft of Mundane" or "get better at editing". and if not then I should at least end up with a lot more turds to polish!

but seriously Mundane is two and a half years old now (and like 400k words in) if I don't have a solid draft by the end of the year I might cry
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
Missed last week's writing update (7707) and am about to miss this week's (1026) so instead please enjoy these pangolin tits.

no, I mean it. that's an actual literal photo of pangolin tits. pangolins have tits. like. human tits. did you know that? I didn't know that. but there they are.
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
He was joking, I think, but I was semi-serious. "Are you offering me just the server case, or--?"

"It'll come with [a number?] of [high capacity??] hard drives." (Look, I don't remember numbers, and I was hardly taking notes--it didn't seem real.) "But what would you do with them?"

"I don't know. But fandom is imploding, and there's a lot of talk about what to do next, where to go; and I couldn't host A Network Of Our Own by myself, but--"

"Well, you wouldn't have the bandwidth for that. And [Tate], playing his games? You'd throttle him."

"Maybe I could give it to someone who could use it?"

"It'd cost like $300 just to ship it to them."

Which, all well and good and true, and I did not take the server home with me. But I'm pretty sure he really would give it to me, all chock-full of storage space, if I seriously wanted it.

So. Do I seriously want it? What would/could I--flaky, noncommittal, not a tech person--do, with one server on my home internet connection, to support the fandom migration? Is this a possibility I should be exploring?

whisperspace )
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
I forgot to make one today and I'm already in bed so I'm gonna make this brief! Wrote just under 8k EXACTLY 8900 (I forgot to count almost a thousand from yesterday) this week (12/10-12/16), most of which was more dryad-related nonsense, but I also just today finally stitched together the bridge in Mundane between where I was and where I'm going next; so tomorrow or whenever I get back to the novel it'll be oral sex for which I already have a guide!

It does not escape my notice that nearly 8k 9k in a 7-day period is well over the 1k/day I'll be aiming for next year. Hopefully this momentum holds...
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
Forgive me while I figure out what kind of template I wanna use for these.

Week starting 12/3 and ending 12/9 (except also my entire life before that point, as this is the first one), wrote 8271 words.

Projects front-and-centered:
  • Vertical And Horizontal, or, Dryad Learns To Tango Two Ways

in which I ramble about this story & the related campaign )

Projects backburnered:
  • Treeunion

  • Mundane v3

my sad lonely novel... )

annual goals )

As for this week, and the rest of this year? I will probably continue the whole laurels-resting deal.

whisperspace )
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
forgive me if I've forgotten how to spell "heirarchy"

but I copied over a few tumblr posts today, and tagged em, so now I have a few more tags than I used to. and a feature that I did not use back in my LJ days--maybe it didn't work as nicely then as it does now--was this fancy tag shit.



LOOK AT THAT. I can tag "character: earl harlan" and "character: carlos the scientist" and DREAMWIDTH JUST KNOWS HOW TO ORGANIZE THEM.

I have split the ship tags into *ship: and xship:, and later I'll add &ship:. or maybe I won't find that degree of separation useful? OR maybe I'll sort them by "ship: *:", "ship: x:" and "ship: &:"?? I'll figure it out. this is just (Cecil voice) NEAT.

update:
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
Things to do today*:

You're not ready for my twisted mind... )

*where "today" is an abstract concept bearing no relation to the actual passage of time
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
 Gosh, it's amazing how much more comfortable this site is now that I've got my theme sorted out.

Also, funny how a silly thing like a gemsona has altered things like the first color people associate with me, or the colors I use on my blog...  My icon is my corrupted gemsona, made by [tumblr.com profile] drowsydraws, based on pyrite.  Pyrite is yellow, so my lil pywrong self is yellow, so my icon is yellow.... so my blog is yellow, now.  Yellow-accented.

I don't actually like yellow, but that's what I get for picking fool's gold for my gemsona.

Anyway.  I come with musings on how much more Serious and Official the DW posting system is.  I don't know about anyone else but it feels a lot more like a Commitment, a lot more formal, to post to DW than it did to toss some shit on tumblr about how I'm feeling right now or a funny thing that just happened to me.  And of course it's not nearly so easy to toss up a photo of my cat taking up half my desk chair, "helping" me write.  (Although if I did, I strongly suspect that Dreamwidth would post that photo one time, when asked; and not a second time several hours later.)

It's just interesting to me, in paying attention to my own internal reactions, how much different this feels.  I'm trying on purpose to overcome that feeling that I can't talk on Dreamwidth unless I have Something To Say, because friends want content, and if the content isn't here they'll go wherever it is.  So.  I'm making content here.  Such as it is.

It's a bit harder than reblogging content on Tumblr.

I am really glad to have access filters back.  I've set up a separate filter for each person I've granted access to.  At some point I kind of want to show people how I did that, because I think it's super cool and I think people will like that feature, but I'm tired now.  But I did go and add filters until I had 51 in total, which means that for the number of friends I'm likely to have, I'm not likely to run out of filters.  I don't know how many separate filters I can have. 

Today was a hard day, and all of this on top--and I'm trying not to be too sad or too angry about this.  (Perhaps instead I should be trying not to be too resigned?  but not tonight.  tonight, resigned is where I live.)  So instead I'm being happy that [personal profile] greywash  and I are talking again.

And we're on a platform now that demands you be a creator rather than a curator--no reblogging here!  So maybe I'll just... talk more.  Maybe I'll talk about my writing?  Hell, maybe I'll publish it here.  Sure as fuck ain't nobody else gonna publish a queer kinky poly 175k-word love story.  (Poor Sheila is losing her tiny mind today.  I wonder if the family's financials are gonna take a hit.)

Time to make a Mundane tag, I guess.

I lied. I really miss the whisperspace. )
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
 I'm not gonna posit myself as any sort of authority--I did use Livejournal once upon a time, but only in my own quiet way.  But I'm looking between my Reading Page and my dash and just, thinking about how different they are, and why I don't think Dreamwidth will become the next fannish hub even if I wish it would. 

Here is a more thought-out post on the topic, by someone who seems to have used Dreamwidth more than I ever did.  

I think there are three things tumblr users are going to miss if they come to Dreamwidth, and those are: liking, reblogging, and the incredible ease of adding images to a post (even if it's not incredibly easy to add images to a post and have them display properly, which is a whole other kettle of rotten fish).  I'm not gonna talk too much about the images, as that's not really my thing, but I imagine that that makes Dreamwidth a much less attractive option for fanartists.

But I will talk about Liking and Reblogging.  I think both of these functions of tumblr--arguably, along with posting, these basic functions of tumblr--support those who would otherwise be lurkers (like me!) in networking and finding community.  I often struggle to articulate words of kindness, or to believe that my thoughts are worth a reblog comment on someone else's post; but being able to silently Like a post in support of a friend, or to reblog something to increase its visibility without having to say anything about it (or, as my tumblr followers are I have no doubt aware, talking about it in the "whisperspace" of tags rather than in the post itself, where my words aren't necessarily reproduced in further reblogs unless someone chooses to reproduce them), has given me ways to participate in conversations without struggling to be articulate or to avoid saying what might be considered offensive.

Dreamwidth has neither of these functions.  Dreamwidth has comments, which are like tumblr's replies except sensible.

The post I liked above mentions "Memories" as serving the function of "Likes".  I would argue that it's more like AO3's "Bookmarks"--I haven't had the chance to experiment with it yet, but I think that the poster doesn't receive any kind of notification when somebody adds a post to their Memories.  So if that's how you use your Likes, as a place to collect content you enjoy for your own perusal, then the functions might seem parallel; but I used Likes as a signal: hey, you made a good post, I enjoyed it.  (I personally also used Likes as a signal to myself--if I reblogged something, I liked it, with rare exceptions; this means that if I encountered the same post again months later, I would know that I had already reblogged it, even if I didn't remember it.)

Edit to add: I tested this on one of [personal profile] oulfis' posts and yeah, Memories are DEFINITELY more Bookmarks than Likes.  Lawrence did not get a notification or a message that I'd done it, there's no indication on the post itself that it happened; and what's more, when I did it I got to add keywords, and control the privacy of the Memory (Public, Access Only, or Private; I haven't set up custom filters yet so I'm not sure if I can apply those to a Memory's privacy level).  So it's definitely a collect-for-your-own-reference tool, and not a communicate-your-enjoyment tool.  Which isn't a problem, imo; but I also don't think it can be espoused as a replacement or a parallel to Likes without discussing why people use Likes, which clearly differs from person to person.  /edit

So as a lurker and someone who's very shy about putting actual words on my communication with others (and the people who routinely talk to me over IMs are going "Olli what" right now but It's True), I loved being able to Like something as a silent "hey I see you I support you", or reblog something with no commentary or with whisperspace commentary.  And I think that I'm probably not the only one who's going to miss that.

On the flip side of the coin, as someone who used Livejournal and did love using different user icons for different moods and tones--somewhere I still have a collection--I'm actually totally happy now to have just one, and to let that represent me alone.  I think I did miss that when I first moved to Tumblr.

Further edited to add:  Tags on a Dreamwidth post are not functional as whisperspace: they sort alphabetically once on the post, and get truncated much smaller than on tumblr.  That's okay with me, I think?  I think because--a reblog comment has the potential to spread your words much farther than your own following; whereas tag commentary, unless it's copied, is only seen by your own following.  Writing a post here, or commenting on someone else's post, your comment (even though not in whisperspace) has only the reach you (or the original poster) define through privacy settings.  Here's a screenshot of how my attempted whisperspace tags on this post ended up, and my reconstruction of how I originally wrote them:

A screenshot of truncated tags on a Dreamwidth post.

I tried to tag:  the great fannish migration 2018, tumblr, one of the things I hate about twitter is the lack of whisperspace, you don't get to be quiet on twitter, we'll see if dreamwidth's tags system is too functional to be used as whisperspace, but for now I'm too much in the habit to stop

No I will not stop editing this post: ONE LAST THING that tumblr users might not be used to: your own posts do not show up on your Reading Page (dashboard equivalent) automatically!  If you want them there, subscribe to yourself; if it doesn't matter to you (you can always find your own posts on your own journal) then do what you want.
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
I can’t find the relevant post right now so I’m not reblogging but I am Stating My Feelings because I’ve been having feelings since I saw the post and goddammit someone oughtta stand up for that kid

can we stop pretending that “anything said about older people by younger people that you personally don’t like” is ageism and needs to be called out? you don’t know that kid’s circumstances. maybe they have chronic pain. maybe they have chronic fatigue. (maybe if you think they don’t because they’re young, you should reexamine who’s discriminating against who based on their age.) maybe they’re working 12-hour shifts and raising a new baby by themself.

maybe, even if they don’t or aren’t any of those things, their feelings of exhaustion are still valid even if your feelings of exhaustion are greater.

maybe, even if your feelings of exhaustion are greater, they deserve to talk about their feelings of exhaustion without you invalidating them by saying “ohhh just you wait! soon you’ll know what REAL tired feels like!”

maybe them saying “here’s an invalidating thing often said to me by older people; I sure don’t like being invalidated” isn’t ageism and you need to cool your tits instead of invalidating them further.

#good morning!, #posts not to make, #which really means, #posts that are gonna start a fight, #look I'm not gonna deny it, #I experience greater exhaustion now than I did five years ago, #but you know what!, #my exhaustion five years ago!, #WAS STILL VALID, #and current-me doesn't need to jump on past-me's ass about what REAL tired feels like, #THAT TIRED WAS REAL TIRED




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whisperspace )
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
okay but Earl is a plant though, and what do plants do in winter

they die. or they look dead, or they hibernate, they lose their leaves, wither, disappear, conserving strength for spring.

Earl begins to drag in September. he gets tired more easily, gets snappish more easily, has to constantly fight the urge to sleep. aches for the sun with every hair on his head. when Carlos figures it out, he buys Earl a UV lamp so he can supplement his photosynthesis; it helps, but it’s not enough.

so then Carlos thinks of what winter looks like where he comes from, thinks about wet ground and green thriving grass and bare trees mixed into the evergreens. and he packs Earl and Earl’s UV lamp into his car, kisses Cecil goodbye, and promises to be home soon.

he drives north, and a bit west. it takes a day before he’s out of Night Vale’s sphere of influence, and then he calls his sister to make sure there’ll be a room at the other end of this drive. Earl watches the winter desert flow past the car window and he wishes for spring.

the flatness changes to hills. it’s November now and they’re driving through mountains; Carlos bites his lip and worries aloud, “we’ll be taking the pass at night, I hope it’s not snowing, I hope we get through all right.” Earl’s tired heart stirs; he hadn’t thought there would be danger. he doesn’t know how to defend against this danger but he is ready.

it is snowing, but not too badly, and they make it through the pass. and after that it’s just going until they get there.

Earl knows why they’ve come right away. the maple in Alicia’s backyard is sleeping, like he wants to be, but the grass is lush with winter rain, and nothing ever freezes; there is so much green life in this place.

they are tired; they eat dinner standing up in the kitchen, while Carlos answers his sister’s questions in monosyllables and grunts. Earl is so tired he can’t tell if she’s speaking Spanish or if he’s just not processing. eventually Alicia releases them into a room with a bed, and they collapse into it and sleep without even thinking to reach for each other.

in the morning Carlos takes Earl to see the evergreens. there are dozens within walking distance of the house, and each thrums with unsuppressed life when Earl lays a palm against its bark.

“evergreens,” he says, quietly.

“not everything dies in the winter,” Carlos says.

Earl is quiet for a long time. eventually he says, “but I think I do.”

“you’re allowed to need rest,” Carlos says. “you’re allowed to take breaks. you’re allowed to be tired. you’re allowed to die in the winter if you need to.”

the greenness of this place is wonderful, but it is also bitingly cold, and wet in a dripping pervasive way that gets everywhere. Carlos leaves the house in a long-sleeved T-shirt; Earl wears three shirts and the thickest coat he can find, and still shivers. the sky is grey. everything that is not green is grey.

eventually, he says, “I’m cold.”

and Carlos packs him back into the car, kisses his sister goodbye, and promises to visit again soon.

“did it help at all?” he asks, blasting the heater.

Earl is quiet. he drinks Carlos’ water, and breathes, and remembers to eat more than he thinks he needs. he is quiet until they are almost home, and Carlos says, “I’m sorry.”

Earl says, “the grass thrived, but the mint died.”

Carlos nods, and says, “the mint will come back in the spring.”

Earl says, “I’m not an evergreen. but I can live through the winter. not thrive, not flourish; spring will always be my season. but I’ll live, and I won’t sleep through it.”

Carlos smiles, and parks the car, and says, “let’s go tell Cecil we’re home.”

#this is half plot bunny half love letter to the pnw, #holy shit I wrote this??, #I love this, #wtnv, #Earl Harlan, #cecearlos, #earlos, #all Carloses are trans Carloses, #my fic, #tumblr exclusive, #still queueing old drafts




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whisperspace )
pangodillo: a pyrite-colored pangolin with glowing eyes curling into a protective ball (Default)
just imagine though Carlos and Cecil in the car together and Carlos is like OH I LOVE THIS ONE

and Cecil is like... it’s a weather report?

and Carlos is like uh yeah I had one of your interns make me a copy

and Cecil is like… it’s a weather report

and Carlos is like for a certain definition of weather report, sure. and he’s rockin’ out like THAT’S HOW WE DEAL WITH BOYS LIKE ME

and Cecil is watching him, hearing “highs in the mid-90s lows in the 70s 50% chance of organic precipitation” going did you fucking memorize a weather report Carlos what the hell

and Carlos is like why is it so weird that I enjoy the “weather reports”

and cecil is like is this a scientist thing is this science

and Carlos is like no I just like them okay omg

#wtnv, #cecilos, #and now the weather, #aromantic Carlos, #fic inspiration, #all Carloses are trans Carloses, #btw that's the weather from episode 7, #Despite What You've Been Told by The Two Gallants




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